Day 7
It's been a while, I should make this a stronger habit. Anyways, what's new? I got sick for a few days due to food poisoning, which gave me some time to relax. I also enjoyed doing this little animation with my girlfriend during a school club event. I also finally met with my psychiatrist to try a new medication, which hasn't affected me yet. Hopefully, it will change my mood for the better in the coming weeks. We also went to this dance event over the weekend, which was fun. Yet part of me is still not satisfied; and this might be because I'm not doing too great in school and can't find a job at all.
What's next?
I've finally accepted that I'm likely not going to find an internship for this summer. And to be honest, it might be a good thing as I can instead spend the summer taking a well-needed break. Still, there's this sense of dread where I feel unsure about how I will use this break I have, and what I'll do during the summer so as to not waste it rotting away in bed. I think I'll start making a plan for the summer soon, and see where it goes from there.
One thing I still need to work on is my sleep schedule. I don't know why but I feel lethargic and sleepy nearly all the time. It's likely partly due to the cold weather, and partly due to this depression I'm fighting. But really, what is stopping me from simply getting up and out of bed? Why do I dread the day as it comes?
Maybe because it's this feeling that I've been on kind of a bad streak for a while now. Starting from when I moved out of my parent's house back in May 2024, I've had an internship that turned out not going too well with no return offer, a friend group that quickly fell apart due to some misunderstandings, a course that destroyed my mental just to pass, and 2 failed job interviews. But then some good things happened, like finally getting my first girlfriend, finding a new friend group I fit in with, and getting into this game I love called Deadlock. Listing it out though, it does seem like there are a lot of places in my life that aren't going too well. I remember this video that mentioned there is a strong correlation between one area of life going well positively affecting other areas of life, causing a snowball effect where every aspect of their life goes well. Then there's the converse, where one area of life going badly negatively affects other areas of life. I guess this is some justification for why I'm not doing so well, but what could I do to change it? That same video mentioned that one thing I could do is lower my expectations for success. Celebrating the small victories and making my goals more short-sighted. For example, the success of getting out of bed this morning. But part of me thinks that's rubbish and kind of dumb, what with knowing what I've achieved in the past. Regardless, that's life. I will see if I can figure out a way to integrate this idea into my life, to celebrate the things I have.
